What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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