Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
