Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize