I cannot find my penis.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
