so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
