last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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