community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
