What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
