i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
