You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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