You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
