mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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