Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
