Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
