they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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