I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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