I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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