We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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