I'm going to jail i love you
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
