I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
