Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
