he puts the penis in happiness.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
