idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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