Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my sisters under your porch take her home
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever