I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.