Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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