Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

booty call

(925): View more from California

i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(216): View more from Ohio

It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

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(801): View more from Utah

I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

(1-801): View more from Utah

We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

(801): View more from Utah

I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(225): View more from Louisiana

Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"

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(708): View more from Illinois

My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

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(708): View more from Illinois

My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in

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