Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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