i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
