I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.