mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.