If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
