My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
