i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
