I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
