Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
