I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
