God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
