I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
