i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
