i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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