i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
