whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont even know how to be here
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
