I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
