She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
