dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
