i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
