yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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