Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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