I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
