i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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