Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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