so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize