either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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