I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
