We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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