one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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