The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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