I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
