Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
