DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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