My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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