is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
