Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
