Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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