So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
