$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
