does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
