she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
