So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
