I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
wow bdsm is so cute
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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