we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
