and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
