this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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