Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
