Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
