Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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