I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
