I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
