that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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