My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize