I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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