he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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