Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
