Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
