Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
