i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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