We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
