Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
love makes seman taste better
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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