I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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