Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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