Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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